so in response to all the judgment as in…I am a drama queen, crazy, fake. Honestly, I don’t think anyone can imagine the kind of hurt people were trying to inflict on me during the taping of hollywood week and how long it went on and how intesne and relentless it was.
Seriously that was ten minutes of DAYS HOURS OF PEOPLE HUMILIATING ME AND STABBING ME. Alot of people were ganging up on me…calling me hurtful sick names, speaking ill of me, and overall attempting to ruin my career that I have been working on for 24 years since I have been born.
Reminder, most of these people have never performed, nor cared about performing or entertainment before vs this is my life and again I don’t think anyone can Imagine the kind of hurt I have faced in this industry as a woman.I have been trying to break into this industry as an independent artist for over a decade vs people who thought… “Maybe Ill try out for American Idol and sing and whatever who knows!!” Its not…”who knows??” for me… It’s what I live for.
I was not raised spoiled, In fact my parents were very hard on me and taught me to fetch for myself. I have been on my own since I was 16 working on this career and facing every sort of demon you could imagine. Encountering countless tragedies, natural disasters, deaths and violent crimes in my personal life and injustices and prejudices as a woman and as a Latina in this industry.
I have survived many life threatening situations and have been through my fair share of deep hard knocks that no one could understand. It has been a painful and devastating process getting to where I am, and the thought that all that I have worked for could be blown and I could get cut and be the laughing stock of national television because of some people I just met, insulting me, blaming me for their own lack of talent and drive, sitting around moping and complaining and pointing fingers and wasting time, drove me to my melting point after HOURS/DAYS of trying to pull everything together with a smile on my face.
I went to talk to the producer to tell him how I felt and why I was upset and I ended up in VERY REAL @*%$!. These people called me “Satan” yelled at me and blamed me for things that never happened ALL ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. It was humiliating.
I am sorry I tried to change groups but felt unwelcome and I tried to bring my group together knowing how much they hated me for NO REASON. I was trying to be a leader and contribute but I was put down and humiliated for doing what no one else would do. In the end WE ALL GOT THROUGH AS YOU COULD SEE.
I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT THOSE EMOTIONS ARE VERY REAL. TO FINALLY MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE AND FEEL AS GRATEFUL AS I FEEL…IS EMOTIONAL AND DEEPLY HUMBLING AND SPIRITUAL.
I have taken alot of risks in opening myself up with part of my story here on myspace, but I will really make it my priority to open up to people on the show so that they can see the real me and know that If anything is coming out “fake” or whatever…is only because I use the smiles to hide the true pain of all that I have endured and survived in my ever challenging past.
I am ready for a new chapter in my life. I am ready for things to be calm, peaceful and plentiful.
I am ready to work and connect with America through this show and I am so exited to be able to show the world what I have to offer as a vocalist and an artist.
It was an emotional journey, Hollywood Week, and I hope that this can clear up any doubts anyone might have of me and my personality. I am deeply grateful for this opportunity and honored to be given this once in a lifetime chance.
Tatiana Nicole Del Toro